I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
