I just made out with a guy for $7.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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