So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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