All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
