I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
