i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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