all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
