I hate your face
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
