she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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