So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
