Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
