I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
