All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
