Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
