I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
