she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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