this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
