I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
