Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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