she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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