how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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