thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
