Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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