those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
