Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
