Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
