he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
