I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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