I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
