Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
