It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
