Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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