so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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