no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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