pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
organizing the empties. That sober.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just high enough for therapy.
Randomize
