I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
