This is not my ceiling
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
