Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
