What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
