he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We just shotgunned beers for America
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
