did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dick very happy bro
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
