Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
