Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
