There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
