Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
