That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The air taste purple.
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