I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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