I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
