how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
