I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
