All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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